By clinical definition narcissism is “an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others’ feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement”. (Source: Mayo Clinic) What mental health professionals describe in textbooks and articles was my actual living nightmare. I want to start off this blog by describing some of the traits of these toxic people as I know them through my own personal experiences.
First know that narcissism is a personality disorder that can not be cured. This person will not change. They will not suddenly see the error of their ways. They do not feel remorse or guilt for their actions. Not all people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are physically abusive -as there are varying degrees and types of narcissists- but they are most definitely abusive in one way or another. They mistreat, misuse, manipulate, and exploit. Their needs come before all others. Their inflated view of themselves prevents them from acknowledging any faults. They are both the hero and the victim; whichever one makes them the star of their own narrative. You need to know that they will come to you as charming, loving individuals. The wolf in sheep’s clothing. They will seem kind and generous. Until suddenly they are not. When their kind words turn to scathing critiques, you will be made to believe it is your fault. Their lack of empathy and indifference will not care for your tears. You are always wrong. They are always right. You are to blame even for their own failures. This is part of the gaslighting. They will flip your reality. You will question everything you know to be true.
A “toxic narcissist” like my ex-husband has one objective: dominate their victim until they make them feel worthless. That feeling of worthlessness is what keeps a person in an abusive relationship. Distance yourself from these poisonous people. If it’s a parent or other family member that you can’t avoid, set firm boundaries. Do not engage. Do not allow them to bait you. If you know someone that is in one of these relationships, do not judge them. Support them. Help them if you can.
5 thoughts on “What is narcissism?”
i’ve just lived a 11 month night mare after discovering i was living with 1 and lived a big lie n false life with 2 babies born into a false life but some one who i absolutely loved and fell right into his hands after grieving for ova 8 months aswel as a 2 yr old boy grieving for his daddy and me lieing every day to him as to who’s he wasn’t coming for him i’m finally done after giveing him chance after chance to be a daddy as and when he turned up for them but i’ve cum to cut all contact now after him letting his kids dwn after 4 weeks and he’s moved on with his nxt victim i actuely feel so sorry for her cos it’s like i know wots coming and omg i cannot belive that a person actuely is that inhuman and fucked up and what i have read and learnt is that it does start in the womb cos his mother lied to him till he was 16 and had been named at birth different to what he was called and his dad wasn’t his real dad how sick and nothing he does now shocks me atall i know what is sort of coming but people that don’t know or have lived what ive lives with n gone through since discovering he is a narc think it’s funny
and i’ve jst cut meself off from life and don’t want to see any way it’s
really hard evan tho am done with him
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Keep pushing forward! As difficult as it can be things will get better. I’m glad you got out of that situation.
I think my boyfriend is a narcissist. He always blames me for everything and turns into the victim. It’s all about how he feels and emotionally blackmails me if I break up with him. His real mother left him at a young age and he was brought up believing his step mum was his real mum. Didn’t find out till his late teens. I feel overpowered and I’m exhausted with it all. Help.
I’m going to paste some links here from psychology today that discuss how to leave a narcissist.
Please seek out counseling if you need additional help. And if you need to talk about anything I’m here.
I escaped a 14 year relationship. I was removed from my family and any opportunity to make new friends were destroyed. I escaped two years ago and I’m still fighting him to obtain my possessions and some of the money he took from me.